I dream of Buffy. No seriously, sometimes I do.
The curious thing is that apparently I'm not the only one.
Had a Buffy dream lately? Check out the "I Dream of Buffy" website.

Here are some samples of a couple of weird Buffy related dreams I've had recently.
Please note that the following stories have adult content, including,
but not limited to sexuality, strong language and hideous fashion.
Immature readers only beyond this point!

* * *

Crushing Buffy, Hidden Drag Queen

This is perhaps the strangest Buffy related dream I have ever had. It
begins with a woman with fake doll-like blonde hair, who is wearing a
dowdy gray school marm style dress (the kind of dress you would more
likely see on Julie Andrews or Mary Poppins) suddenly appearing in
front of Buffy. I am amazed to see that it's really Spike/James
Marsters. My first thought is, "Boy, he's definitely got the
cheekbones." Then that was followed by, "Yeesh, what a tacky outfit!!!
And why would someone choose such an obviously fake wig?!" Then the
Spike Lady coyly introduces herself to Buffy, "Hello there honey, I'm
Daphne. And it is finally time for your makeover!!!" Buffy looks
mortified as Daphne drags her off to a clothing boutique. The dream
then proceeds through a typical yet still strangely entertaining
dressing room montagé as made popular by every teen movie since 1983.
Buffy parades in and out of the curtained dressing room in a variety of
outfits that range from 70s frills and tie dye to 80s Flash Dance
sweater and acid wash jeans. She finally comes out of the dressing room
in black pants, a teal blouse and a matching teal blazer. Daphne is
clapping giddily and seems very proud of the makeover. Buffy has her
arms crossed, and does not seem that amused. In fact she seems sort of
anxious that so many people are watching her in this new outfit. (In
retrospect, I wonder why simply because it seemed like it was just the
3 of us.) I then notice that she kinda has an equally fake looking wig
in a shocking red color. I'm like, "Don't they have good wigs anymore?"
I wonder to myself why this is all so strangely familiar, when it hits
me---she's dressed like Doctor Beverly Crusher of Star Trek The Next
Generation.

 

I've asked myself numerous times since this dream, "Why?" and "What
the....?" And honestly, I have come to no conclusions. It is a sick and
twisted world inside of my brain, and I cannot decipher these portent
messages. It is perhaps true then that television ruins the mind.

If your mind is just as ruined as mine, then download my Doctor Buffy Crusher wallpaper!

* * *

The Fan Fiction Mascot

In this one dream I was at a Buffy Fan Fiction convention, and you were
there too. And you. And you too! Anyway, I was flipping through this
amazing coffee-table style book with collage-y art and numerous text
all related to Buffy. It seemed to have been in Japanese or some
another foreign language, and I was wondering how much it cost to
purchase this imported collector's item. I was flabbergasted to see on
one page a Tamagotchi type character entitled "The Buffy Fan Fiction
Mascot"! Even more curious, it appears that this creature has a potty
mouth and could speak in broken statements containing only the words
"fuck" and "suck" which would come out like "fucky sucky suck fuck!"
- Fin.

Because it was such a strange visual I decided to draw it, and now you
can witness the glorious Buffy Fan Fiction Mascot yourself.

* * *

Buffy: The Musical Reprise

It's the Buffy Musical episode, but it's the secret uncensored version.
I turn the telly on during the infamous Xander and Anya broadway ditty.
They're dancing and singing just like in the original episode except
the words are a little different, and Xander's pants are at his ankles.
The camera pans then zooms down from overhead,
and Anya takes outs a red silky thing from
her pocket, heartily singing "Tie a ribbon on his penis...." She then
proceeds to do so. Xander seems simply delighted that there's a satiny
red ribbon now decorating his schlong, and Anya looks very proud of her
accomplishment. I say to myself, "Wow! UPN allows far more sex than the
WB!" - Fin. See the attached picture for reference: